


Searching for my Identity

by Katherine90



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Family Drama, Fear
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:48:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27824014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katherine90/pseuds/Katherine90
Summary: Logan and Rory finally got together after a few misunderstandings, then got married and got on April 14, 2010 to their surprise twins. Two girls. Nathalie and Norah were the great happiness of their parents until fate had left a big hole in their lives ...
Relationships: Rory Gilmore & Logan Huntzberger





	1. The Past is hunting you

It was a big surprise when Rory told me that she was pregnant with twins. At first, I couldn’t believe it, but then I was so happy about it. The whole pregnancy was a great experience for me. Especially for Rory, because her whole body and hormone balance had changed.

Finn, Colin, Robert and I always joked that Rory was having two boys, but we were wrong. On the 14th of April 2010, our beautiful twins were born. I was so proud, although Rory always joked about my fainting in the delivery room.

We named our baby girls Nathalie Lorelai Honor and Norah Emma Katherine.

Shortly after being born Norah was taken to NICU. It was one of the hardest four weeks of my whole life. Rory and I changed at regular intervals with the visits to the newborn intensive care unit to be with Norah.

It was a hard time for all of us. Particular for Rory because she couldn't build a bond with Norah. Our baby girl was taken away from her immediately after birth because she had problems with breathing and a slight heart condition. 

Sometimes it seemed to me as if it had been yesterday when I held Norah in my arms after one week. It was one of the most beautiful experiences in my life when I touched her little fingers and she looked at me with her intense brown eyes. 

But there were also days where I could hardly take a step into the hospital because I was so terribly scared that Norah's condition was getting worse again or the worst-case scenario which can happen to any parent, that she had died overnight. 

Fear was our constant companion during these terrible 28 days. Rory and I shed many tears as we stood in front of Norah's incubator watching every movement, during our visits to the NICU.

On 14th of May Rory and I had gotten good news from Norah’s midwife. We were so glad that we could take her home finally after four weeks.

Of course, the first months weren’t easy for us, but thankfully we made it. I never thought that it would be so much fun to have two precious girls. Everything from giving them some tummy time or just watching them sleep, there was never a dull moment.

Our whole life had changed on October 14, 2010, when our family went through the kidnapping of our daughter. We had been at the park with the girls; Nathalie was lying out on the blanket we had laid down while Norah slept peacefully in her stroller. Rory’s phone was ringing, and she stepped aside to take it.  
I turned back to Nathalie as she attempted to crawl, I was so engrossed in the milestone our little one was about to achieve that I had completely forgotten to keep my eye on the stroller. Rory came back a few minutes later and sat down on the blanket. She started getting the girl's bottles ready for their afternoon snack and as she went to wake Norah to give her the bottle she struck with the most intense fear any parent can face.

We looked around thinking maybe she had gotten out somehow. I know it doesn’t seem logical, but we were looking for anything other than the inevitable truth that somebody kidnapped our baby. Picking up Nat in my arms I immediately called 911. Rory was searching our daughter in every corner in the park with a frantic look.  
After 30 mins and dropping my last name a few times the police told me they would send someone to the house to make a report shortly. I got off the phone and tried to comfort Rory as she cried hysterically in my arms.

In the short period between us leaving the park and the police arriving at our place, we called every friend and family member we could think. Begrudgingly, I called my father to see if he could pull some strings with some private detective buddies of his, to try and get the ball rolling.

Finn arrived. First, he swooped in gathering Rory and Nat in a warm hug and giving me a consoling pat on the back, reassuring us that we would find our baby girl. As the police arrived, Finn took Nathalie with him to the kitchen to make tea and coffee for all of us.

Man, was I ever glad to have him there. After going through the protocol with the police, her description, what was she wearing, how old she is, etc... the detective asked if there was anyone we could think of that would have a motive for doing this. We couldn’t think of anyone off the top of our heads, and we had yet to receive any call or request for ransom, but with my family name, anything was possible.

I mean I would have paid any amount to get her back. But it didn’t happen. I was devastated.  
The first time was very hard for us, and I often played with the thought of killing myself because the pain and despair just didn’t go away. But on the other hand, there was Nathalie. She needed Rory and me.

And so here we are now. It had been nearly 14 years since we had seen Norah the last time. I regretted it every day that I couldn’t protect her enough. Nathalie and our other kids, Grace, and Jacob, didn’t have a clue about their sister Norah.


	2. Chapter 2 Fatal Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well every story has their beginning and we'll see where it's going to lead us

14th April 2024

By the rays of sunlight that entered the bedroom, Logan was awakened. Hesitantly, he opened his eyes and looked around. His wife Rory lay on the right side of the bed and slept like an angel.  
He sighed softly and then turned back to the other side, which was a fatal mistake for him, as he looked carefully at the family picture, which stood on his brown nightstand. This photo was taken 14 years ago today.

It showed him with his wife Rory and his little daughter Norah. For him, April 14th was the most painful day of the whole year.

His little "Honey," as he nicknamed her since she was in the world, was taken away from him on October 14th, 2010 without any consideration. He paused for a moment, closed his tear-filled eyes, and with his left hand decided to put the picture in the drawer.

Logan couldn't bear to look at this picture anymore. There were so many unimagined emotions, which he had tried for years to forget. And he just didn't want to have to be reminded that he had failed so much because he couldn't protect his beautiful princess.

The little hands from Rory were just snaking around his body, and then he turned around and looked into the beautiful blue eyes of his wife, Rory.

"Oh, good morning Ace!" He whispered in a low voice.

"Good morning, Logan, how did you sleep?" She greeted him yawning and snuggled into his slender body.

"Not good, but it's ok hon..." He said, and a lonely tear was running over his pale cheek.

"Oh, darling I know how hard it is for you, especially today, but you're not alone. I'm thinking about Norah every day, and it almost kills me that she isn't with us. And who knows how long we can keep it secret from our children. Someday, they will ask us why they can't enter her room down the hall.” Rory said.

"I know, babe. However, I can't do it yet. Not now. The kids aren't ready yet to find out that they have a big sister. Can you imagine how bad that would be for our kids and especially for Nathalie! After all, she is Norah’s twin sister." Logan murmured, fighting against his rising tears.

Rory sighed and stroked her husband's back gently.

"I know that you’ve hurt Logan but I'm sure our daughter is in a place where everything is ok. We must deal with it that she will never come back to us. You can't always run away from that. I know it's not easy at all, Logan, but we have to stay strong for us and our family, otherwise, we'll break down" Rory tried to bring him back to the bottom of the facts.

Logan took a deep breath and had realized what his wife had just said. How could she speak so indifferently?

"Rory, you are talking about our daughter as if she had been dead for 14 years, and with every passing day I miss her more," Logan poured out his heart, stood up and left without another word the bedroom. He had to get out of here before he would explode like a bomb.

Rory dropped back to bed. She never could forget the disappearance of Norah. She had loved her daughters since the first minute she had known that she was getting twins. 

For hours she sat in her rocking chair in the twins' room and told them stories although they weren't even in the world. So how could Logan say that she didn't miss her?! She buried her face in her pillow and cried. Cried for all the years, she had spent with Logan in quarreling or silence.

How often had Rory wanted to reveal to Logan her emotions? But as soon as she did so, she lost all courage because she couldn't trust him at that point.   
Rory knew her husband very well, and he was sometimes compassionate. Her feelings overwhelmed her, and she curled up like a baby in her mother's bosom.

"Why does it have to hurt so much? Why did you take the most important thing in my life, why God?" She whispered, tearfully stuck her head into the pillow and suddenly felt two small hands on her back.

"Mommy, why are you so sad?" She heard the voice of her youngest son. She got up and wiped her tears from her face.

"This isn’t important. Come on, we're making breakfast, " Rory said, and could only hope that her son wouldn't ask why she was crying.

"Ok, Mommy, are we going to make pancakes with maple syrup?", asked Jacob with a big grin on his face.

"Yeah of course Jacob." Rory nodded, rose from the bed and went to the kitchen with the youngest family member.

While Jake and his mother were preparing breakfast, Logan was sitting in the large garden, staring into the middle of nowhere.

Here he could, let his thoughts wander and give his grief free reign, without anyone disturbing him. This day was so hard for him, and if Logan could wish for anything in his life, he would undo anything that had happened in the last 13 years and five months.

The next moment he realized how much he missed his daughter Norah. Norah and Nathalie were a big surprise for him and Rory, but they were so glad at that time that they decided to have the babies.

They were aware that the twins would be a hand full, but with Rory, it was worth it.

He reached into the pocket of his black leather jacket, took the wallet from the pocket, opened it, and took out a folded photograph. Logan smoothed it and looked at it. It showed his little girl playing on her crawling blanket. Her brown eyes lit up, and Logan had to swallow violently.

"Oh, my little princess," he whispered mournfully.

The psychological pain almost brought him to his senses, but he didn't want to suppress these feelings that day. He would have given up everything just to get Norah back, and that his little sunshine was taken away after less than a year, he couldn't understand. What did those people want from him and his family?

Logan would have paid any sum to get his child healthy and cheerful back again. Of course, Logan and Rory had informed the FBI immediately, shortly after they had found out that Norah was kidnapped.   
They hadn't been able to give them much hope. After a year and a half, the investigation concluded, although Logan had fought violently against it. He had begged the FBI not to give up the search, but they refused stubbornly.

Logan opened his eyes again and saw from a distance Rory, who was just approaching him. He put the photo back in his wallet, closed it, and put it back into the pocket of his black jacket.

After a few minutes, Rory came to the bank, biting nervously on her lips, and breathed deeply again.  
"Logan? Breakfast is ready." She said and tried to suppress her feelings, which were just building up inside her.

"I'm not hungry," Logan replied, slightly annoyed and turned his gaze back to the almost cloudless sky. "Come on, Logan, Jakey is waiting for you." she tried again to convince her husband.

"No, Rory, I don't want to come right now." he contradicted her once more and tried his best to keep calm. "Sometimes you're selfish. Think of Nathalie. Today is her big day, and she can't use a bad-tempered father today." she murmured angrily, turned around and went back to the kitchen.

As she walked along the long corridor, she had to think about Logan's behavior. Rory understood that Logan wanted to be alone on that day, but she feared that her husband could fall into a big hole again.

"Mommy?" Asked Jacob. "I'm coming." She smiled at him and followed her son, who was looking around the hall.

"Where's Daddy? Isn't he hungry?" Jacob questioned, looking at his mother. Rory took a deep breath and got down to her knees to look into his bright, warm brown eyes.  
"Jake, you know Daddy is sad today, but I'm sure he'll come. Do you want to wake up your sisters?" She smiled at him and stroked his cheek.

"Yes, that's a good idea, Mommy!" He nodded mischievously, grinning, and ran up the stairs. Rory looked sadly at her son and sighed. She would be so glad if she could be guided by her heart to forget the pain, which put her soul in chains.

It wasn't easy for her to be guided by her heart. She had forgotten it since Norah’s disappearance. Of course, she had tried to get back to her old life, which also took some time, but every time she saw a picture or was thinking about memories from Norah when she was a baby, it nearly broke her heart in millions of pieces.

Rory took a deep breath and ran out of the house without worrying about wasting any thought that the pancakes were getting cold. With tearful eyes, she went down the stairs and suddenly felt two warm hands snaking around her hip. She also knew without looking up, that it was Logan.

"What's going on?" He asked worriedly.

"It's because of her Logan. All the emotions are coming back again. I don't know what I should do. I..I miss her so much" she began to cry bitterly, leaning her head against his shoulder. Logan had to smile a bit now, even if it wasn't the best time.  
"Oh, Ace." He murmured, pulling her into his arms, gently stroking her hair and whispering unimportant things in her ear.

After a little reassurance, Rory raised her head a bit higher and looked directly into his eyes. Logan smiled lightly, then hesitantly moved his hand and lifted the chin of his wife. A beautiful blue hit a warm, gentle chocolate brown. The two people, who were still sitting in the same position on the stairs of the large estate, were almost entirely unaware of the environment.  
Nobody wanted to disturb this precious moment with any gibberish or unnecessary comments.

"I love you Rory, and I'm so grateful that you have walked with me this awkward way. I know, I'm aware that I wasn't accessible to you in the last few years. But please don't blame yourself, because it wasn't your fault. I'm still a prisoner in my ice-cold wall, which I have built up after Norah's disappearance. However, the wall is already crumbling, and that is good." he told her, gently stroking her cheek.

"Yeah and I'm sorry about this morning. I didn't want to be so harsh on you, but it's... "  
"Ace, it's alright." he interrupted her and gave her an encouraging kiss. "Come on, let's go back," Rory said and got up to the stairs 15 minutes later.

"Yes," Logan nodded and followed his wife into their mansion.

Meanwhile, Jacob, Grace, and Nathalie were waiting for their parents in the dining room.  
"Where're mom and dad?" Nathalie inquired while she poured orange juice into the glass.

"I'm sure that the two have a lot to talk about. Unfortunately, I don't know what's going on Nathalie," Gracie answered with a hint of a dry voice and shrugged her shoulders.

"I know, and I hate it when dad's bad moods always beat my birthday." Sighed Nathalie with a sad smile and took a sip of her coffee.

"Yeah, that's true. I think dad is going back to his office for the rest of the day and mum will visit Aunt Honor. There must be something wrong." Grace mused, taking a bite of her full-grain bread.

"Maybe Gracie, but I think mom and dad will tell us when they're ready to tell us the news," Nathalie mentioned and gave a squeeze of caramel syrup on her pancakes.

"Yeah, I hope so sis, but the pancakes are delicious today." Grace grinned and took a big bite.

"I'm glad to hear that honey," her mother said, and the siblings looked to the entrance of the dining room.

"Oh, good morning mom, dad." They welcomed their parents smiling.

"Good Morning. Mom and I'll spend the day with you today. The office and aunt Honor can wait, oh and Nathalie princess, Happy Birthday. What do you think about dinner together on Sunday in the evening? Just you and me." Logan continued smiling and joined his children.

"Honestly dad?" Nathalie asked again and looked at her dad curiously. "Yeah, baby doll." Logan winked at her grinning. "Great! I can’t wait to go to my favorite restaurant, Dad!"

"Me too." He nodded at her lovingly, looking around the ample decked breakfast table. "Yeah, daddy." Nathalie beamed happily at her father.

"Good, honey, and what will you do on your birthday? We can watch a bunch of movies with good food, or we invite uncle Finn, Robert and Colin, your grandparents, aunt Honor, and uncle Josh," suggested Logan and looked at his daughter tenderly.

She had grown so fast, and today Logan felt as if it had been the first time he had held her in his arms. She had been so small and helpless, but much stronger than her twin sister Norah.

"That's a great Idea daddy and can grandpa Mitchum come too?" she asked, as she looked into her father's thought-stained face.

"Well I don't know but I'm going to call him anyway after breakfast, and then I can ask him if he would come tonight. I'm just so proud of you, and I know your birthdays weren't always significant. But Mum and I had a reason for this mess. But I hope it will have an end soon." He continued, and Nathalie looks a little irritated at her father.

"When dad? I mean I know that you and mom are hiding something from us." She determined and concerned although, it was nothing new for Nathalie and her siblings that her parent's behavior was odd on every 14th of April. Logan almost regretted what he said.

"That’s your mom and me’s concern ok. But I promise we will tell you one day," he replied and looked gravely at his daughter.

"Alright dad and is it okay if Jason comes to the lunch dinner at 12 o'clock? Please daddy!" Nathalie clamored with her eyelashes, pushing her bottom lip pouting forward and looking at her father with a sad look.

"My dearest Doll I don't know if this is a good idea to invite him and besides, I think you're still too young to have a boyfriend," Logan said, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Come on dad; I'm not your little girl anymore." Nathalie giggled and twisted her eyes.

"I know, but I'm not happy about it that you're growing up so fast." he murmured and took a glance at his morning newspaper.

"Logan, Darling, may I remind you that we were young too?" Rory cleared her throat and looked at her husband with raised eyebrows. "But, Rory, that was such a long time ago." Logan justified.

"I know babe, and when I think about it that you had a crush on Alyssa Milano that - was so incredibly sweet. But I don't mind that Jason is coming today, he's a nice guy, and I think you'll like him too. Just give him a chance please." Rory smiled at him softly.

"Well, there was only one woman who caught my heart, and that was you Ace." Logan sighed.

"Ok, I'll give him a chance. Jason can come, Nathalie," he continued with a big grin on his face and observed his daughter.

Rory didn't mention anything and was happy for her daughter that Logan changed his mind. She knew too well that it wasn't easy for her husband to accept that she won't be longer his little girl.  
His Dolly. Nathalie was a massive fan of the movie "Hello Dolly" that's why Logan always called her Doll. She could even repeat the whole dialogues from the film and admired Barbra Streisand a lot. She nearly had all the movies in which Barbara played the leading roles in the film.

The 14-year-old girl looked at her father puzzled and then happiness began to radiate all over her face.

"Thanks, dad, this is the best birthday present ever! Thank you for giving him a chance. You won't regret it!" she began to ramble, and her eyes were full of joy and happiness.

Logan nodded and was glad that his oldest daughter was happy on her big day. All that he wanted was that his beautiful Nathalie was happy on her birthday. Even if this day was hard for him and Rory. The last few years were full of sorrow, grief, but also happy moments. Neither he nor Rory would ever have believed that after Norah's disappearance, that they would have Grace and Jacob.

For him, it was an enormous shock when Rory was pregnant with Grace only two years after she had the twins. And when Nathalie was 8 and Grace 6, Jacob Elias came into their life. His family was so precious to him and always his priority number 1. He couldn't imagine life without his kids and Rory of course. Logan was so proud of her how she was handling the whole family life. She was a strong personality, and he loved her more than life itself.

"Daddy? Will you watch Finding Nemo or Cars with me after breakfast? Please? That would be so great, or do you have to work?" Jacob request to his father after a few minutes had passed.

"If Nathalie is ok with it, but before we watch one of your favorite movies, I just have to call Grandpa Mitchum" Logan smirked, and Rory was glad that he calmed down. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it before she put her empty dish in the kitchen sink.

"Ok, Daddy. Nathalie, is it ok when we're watching some Disney movies on your birthday?", asked Jacob, the family's youngest member.

"That's a pretty cool idea, Jake." She agreed. "Yay! Daddy, she said yes. So can I go to the living room please?" he asked. He got up from his chair and was jumping up and down.

"Sure, but before you go to the living room, please brush your teeth ok? And I don't want to hear any excuses!" Logan answered and looked at his son thoughtfully.

"Bu..ok dad I'll brush my teeth now. See you later.” he sighed and went to the bathroom.

"Yeah see ya. Well, I'm going to call dad in the office. I’ll be back in a few minutes." Logan said, getting up from his chair and without realizing, the photo of Norah slipped out of his pocket. The picture landed beside Nathalie's chair. His daughter picked it up and turned it over. She frowned as she looked at the picture.

"Dad why do you carry a picture of me in your pocket?" she asked a little confused and looked at her father's face. Logan immediately stopped dead in tracks. Turning around, he took the photo out of Nathalie's hands, and suddenly the picture tore in half.


End file.
